the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
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