The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The power of my boobs compel you
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
