How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Watching her eat just hurts me
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
