May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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