Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
