I have demons in me.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
