Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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