PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
