If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
