mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
