so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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