So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
