woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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