That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
