i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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