We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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