Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize