I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
