Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
