So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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