I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
