You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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