There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Randomize
