Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
