I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
