alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
