I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just saw a hot homeless man
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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