I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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