I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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