So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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