How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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