I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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