Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
