Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
