found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
