His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize