I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
