We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
