I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
