just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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