Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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