So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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