When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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