his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
