Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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