My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
we're making bets on your personal life
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
