I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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