I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
