Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
