Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
