Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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