Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
