I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
