a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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