Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
