omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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