Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
