If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
