My first STD was from a foam party
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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