I'm gonna have a badass scar
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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