I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
