Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My brain says no but my pants say off.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
