Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
time to smoke my breakfast
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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