wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize