Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
