when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Randomize