my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
The Olympian is in my bed
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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