I hope mine doesn't look like that
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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