I cannot find my penis.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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