I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
