i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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