when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
