No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I have peed in a lot of sinks
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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