I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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