I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
