last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
