Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize