true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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