You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
even my farts smell like vagina
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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