I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
