You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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