Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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