Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
