Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
That accounts for only three of the penises
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
