your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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