Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
