My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
