Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
This house was built for laser tag.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
