Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
