did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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