Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I wish there were birth control emojis
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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