you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
