Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
