worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
