everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
