As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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