sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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